Discount illusions drive retailers, shoppers

The 20 percent solution fits the business case for retailers this season.

Owners of sport shops, housewares emporiums and jewelry merchants seem to have settled on 20 percent as the magic discount number for golf clubs, Crock pots and diamond bracelets.

If there's a newspaper coupon or internet deal involved, it seems that you are getting a 20 percent haircut courtesy of your local store. But, are you really?

It's taken to an extreme at an outfit called Bed, Bath and Beyond. Shoppers roll into my local outlet clutching fistfulls of their 20 percent coupons like wedding bouquets. And, even when presented with coupons with expiration dates from the Bush administration, clerks dutifully scan the bar code for the 20 percent bonus for their grateful customers.

No doubt the bar code tells them who's shopping from what address -- and gives them the marketing muscle and targeting to send even more of those oversized blue coupons. The illusion of discount is perpetuated -- even if the final transaction prices is more-or-less in line with their competitor's prices.

I love the store and its selections. But only a rookie should be caught in their paying the BB&B retail -- without 20-percent-off coupons.

Seasonal greenery work loses patina

Bush-trimming brings out my inner sculptor.

Alexander Calder may have great pieces on the plaza in downtown Chicago and elsewhere around the planet, but my annual outdoor household greenery rite generates personal satisfaction and neighborhood panache.

There's nothing more powerful than pulling out an 18-inch electric trimmer to give an unwieldy burning bush or sprawling arborvitae an overdue summertime haircut. But, after the initial whacks, a sense of serenity evolves as hard cutting gives way to smooth brushing and precise trimming. Squares, orbs and flat-tops never looked so good on a late June afternoon...particularly since they're not on a human head.

Sure, the worst part of the job is the clean-up -- scraps of twigs, leaves, and needles so small that they make removing drops of thermometer mercury seem like a walk. I hate it.

Result: My inner landscaper will never overtake my inner sculptor.

Silence of the butter lambs

It's come to this. No eyes. No ribbon.

The Easter butter lamb has always made for a special holiday season. Dinner with the family became special when the sculpted dairy staple made its entrance on the table, ready for spreading on thick slices of fresh, crusty rye bread.

But from a child's point of view, the peppercorn eyes and the red ribbon scarf around the icon's neck made that butter seem like dairy heaven.

So it was highly upsetting to see this year's butter lambs offered without "eyes" and without the proper red flourish. The damn thing just looked like The Sphinx. It looked positively skinny, too, with a poor center of gravity that made it seem as vulnerable as a drunken sailor.

I don't want to think it was pure economics for leaving out the two identifiers that had given the butter lamb its "brand identity." But I'd be willing to bet it was the reason the quarter-pounder had been shrunk to the equivalent of a few stacked pads.

Yeah, our lamb got retrofitted with the forgotten goods. But, just as with Christmas toys, cable TV installation, and dry cleaning, it should have been done right the first time!

Vehicle accelerates pointed communication

People who talk too much often say the very least.

It always scares me when intellectual capital is trumped by unbridled verbosity. Smarts fall victim to capacity all too often in business, academia and social circles.

In this 24/7 world of communication, however, I have seen a surprising point of light. It's Twitter.

Finally, there is forum that limits its users to 140 characters of text to make a point, give an opinion, highlight a link, or make a stand. We've finally forced people to get to the point more quickly -- whether they want to or not.

Twitter is a great rehabilitation vehicle for frustrated writers and communicators. Who can ever forget adding six extra pages to an already mind-numbing high school history term paper in hopes of earning a better grade? It didn't work then and it works less now.

Tweets are the written equivalent of EPA fuel economy standards for cars. People expect great mileage from the gas in the tank. Tweets offer great communication from the words in a sentence.

Pedal to the metal!

Media snows public on weather report

Buy salt. Check windshield wiper-fluid level. Put snow shovel in trunk.

The media types made the case and provided the checkist. Get ready for the Storm of the Century!

The result? Same as the Game of the Century, Vintage of the Century, Car of the Century and Flood of the Century. More bluster than benefit, more hype than help.

Last night I was ready for 12 to 15 inches of pristine snow roaring in from the Great Plains. Make no plans for Wednesday, I thought, warm-up for multiple shoveling sessions, and get ready to hunker down with good books.

The driveway only took on seven inches of the white stuff. It's a substantial snowfall for certain but not enough to order snowshoes or rent a fleet of sled dogs. I don't even want to think about the economic hardship it caused businesses and shopkeepers who had frightened employees not showing up for work or customers scared of slippin' and slidin'.

I thought journalists were supposed to inform and enlighten. Unfortunately, in the 24/7 world of today's news cycle, they don't have much time to do either.

2010 grapes show no wrath

Fresh snow is swirling smartly, the holidays are beckoning family and friends, and the gas log in the fireplace is doing its very best imitation of a real fire.

There's no better time to roll out The Top Six Wines that teased my palate during 2010. Just as last year, this is a very subjective exercise in personal taste and perception that can generate vigorous debate. A $100 wine can be exhilarating; but 10 $10 wines sipped with 10 friends always beat a $100 wine that you drink by yourself.

The envelope please:

#1 - Tamarack Cellars Firehouse Red 2007 Columbia Valley, Washington. A blind selection off a restaurant wine list brought unexpected excitement through food friendliness combined with rich fruit. The winemaker combines at least seven red varietals from numerous vineyards in a package most wineries could only pray for. Subsequently served to two different dinner groups at home with cries for more. About $20 retail.

#2 - Kenneth Volk Vineyards Pinot Noir Santa Maria Cuvee 2006. Hats off to My Brother The Elder for unearthing this rich yet elegant red from the Santa Barbara region. Silky tannins with the right amount of bracing acidity made this a stunner with mushroom and asparagus risotto. Makes you stand up and salute. $28 retail from the winery.

#3 - Steele Writer's Block Roussanne 2008, California. Looking for a little something different, I enjoyed this gem in a local wine bar. Fresh yet rich and fragrant flavors from a secondary label offering from California legend Jed Steele. This Rhone varietal rocks the left coast. Suggested retail around $15.

#4 - Umathum Wachau Red 2007 - Significant other RA pulled this Austrian gem from a very honest and knowledgeable wine store proprietor in Innsbruck during a visit this summer. Zweigelt, blaufrankish, and cabernet sauvignon combine in a beautiful melange of subtle yet powerful flavors that brings out the yodel in all of us. About $40 plus airfare, land costs, tips and optional tours.

#5 - Chapoutier Bila Haut Cotes-du-Roussillon 2008. A Rhone blend that was a cut-above the usual suspects from this hot region. Fruit forward with a splash of acidity that made it a go-to for lighter summer fare that called for a red wine. Just plain delightful and easy to drink. About $13 retail.

#6 - Chateau d'Oupia Minervois 2007 - Funky blend of syrah, carignan and granache explodes on the palate with ripe yet peppery fruit and an unexpectedly long finish. A juicy wine that could go with Provencal type fare and roast chicken. Bonus: Easy on the budget for a group. About $13 retail.

Make your own list and check it twice during Santa Season!

The audacity of heat

Investment opportunities reward in strange ways.

Last month presented two major options in one week: Participation in an initial public stock offering by a major corporation versus purchase and installation of a new, two-stage furnace for the homestead.

Could the lure of making a quick buck with cocktail-party bragging rights overtake the mother of all home maintenance expenses? Fortunately, pragmatism triumphed in a way Wall Street probably couldn't calculate.

The 100 shares of the IPO and the furnace would cost roughly the same amount. I chose an immediate home infrastructure upgrade over uncertain potential gain.

After roughly a month, the shares are worth about a dollar more each. The new beast in the basement, however, is looking more like a neighborhood tribute to J.P. Morgan.

I'm keeping my feet warm and comfy. I'm using natural gas and electricity more efficiently, paying a dividend in my bills every month. And did I mention a federal tax credit that would put capital gains on a similar investment to shame?

Long-term investments can look just as great under the floor as they can in a portfolio.